The People Who Support You Can't Always Advocate for You

The Momentum Files #76

Your network can't help you build a future it can't yet see.

For senior leaders and professionals navigating career advancement, one of the most common - and least discussed - reasons progression stalls isn't performance.

It's advocacy. Specifically, the absence of it.

You're speaking with a former colleague.

You've reached out because you're exploring what's next.

A few minutes into the conversation, they begin suggesting opportunities that look remarkably similar to the role you're trying to move beyond.

Not because they aren't listening.

Not because they don't want to help.

Because they're relying on the version of you they already know.

This happens during career transitions. It also happens when you're employed, advancing, and quietly wondering why strong performance isn't translating into the opportunities you expected.

And if you're not yet clear on what comes next, it's difficult to redirect the conversation toward where you're trying to go.

The Leadership Conversation You're Not In

Now imagine a different scenario.

An opportunity comes up.

Your name enters the conversation.

Someone says:

"She's great."
"He's highly capable."
"We should keep them in mind."

And then the conversation moves on.

Not because people don't value your work.

But because no one can clearly articulate:

what makes you uniquely valuable
what problems you solve best
where you want to go next

That distinction matters more than most professionals realize.

Because career growth doesn't happen only through the work you do.

It also happens through the conversations other people have about your work when you're not in the room.

The Misunderstanding Most Professionals Don't Realize They're Making

Many professionals assume:

strong relationships create opportunity
good work creates advocates
supportive colleagues become champions
people naturally understand their next chapter

None of those things happen automatically.

And here's what makes this particularly easy to miss: earlier in your career, they often did.

When you were newer, more visible by proximity, and easier to categorize, the people around you could describe your value without much prompting. Your role was clearer. Your trajectory was more legible. Your manager knew what you did and where you were headed.

At senior levels, that changes.

Your work becomes more complex and less visible. Your contributions are harder to summarize. Your next chapter may not fit neatly into an existing box. And the people who want to help you - genuinely want to help you - are working from an incomplete picture.

The higher you go, the fewer opportunities arrive through formal processes alone.

More of them move through trusted relationships, recommendations, and people who can confidently speak on your behalf.

Which means the gap between being valued and being advanced gets wider - not because people don't care, but because they don't have what they need to help.

What This Looks Like in Practice

I hear versions of these statements in almost every initial coaching conversation.

The details differ. The pattern is remarkably consistent.

"I've taken on more responsibility, but no one sees me as ready for the next level."
"I know I'm capable of more, but I'm not being considered."
"I keep making it to the final rounds, but no offers."
"People keep sending me opportunities that don't fit."
"I've built a strong network, but nothing seems to come from it."

What's underneath each of these isn't frustration with the process.

It's the disorienting experience of doing everything right and still feeling invisible to the people and opportunities that matter most.

The common denominator isn't capability.

It's advocacy.

And when these experiences repeat themselves, many professionals begin to question the wrong thing.

The Wrong Conclusion - And Why So Many Professionals Make It

Go back to that conversation with your former colleague.

You leave cordially. Grateful they made time. Vaguely aware that nothing particularly useful came from it.

And somewhere on the drive home, or later that evening, a quieter thought surfaces.

Maybe I'm not as clear about this as I thought.

Maybe I'm not as ready as I believed.

Maybe I don't actually have what it takes to do the thing I want to do next.

That conclusion feels logical at the moment.

It's the wrong one.

The problem is rarely capability.

High performers who have built strong careers, delivered real results, and earned genuine trust don't suddenly lose their ability to contribute at the moment they're trying to move forward.

What shifts is the environment.

You're no longer operating inside a context that already knows you. You're asking people to see something they haven't seen yet - a next chapter that isn't fully formed, in a direction you're still clarifying, at a level that's still emerging.

That's not a capability gap.

It's a clarity and positioning gap.

And those are solvable problems.

The conversation that went sideways, the colleague who sent you in the wrong direction, the network that seems to be working from an outdated version of you - none of that is evidence that you're wrong about yourself.

It's evidence that the people who want to help you don't yet have what they need to do it well.

That's a very different problem.

And it has a very different solution.

Support Is Valuable. Advocacy Creates Movement.

Support sounds like:

"You're great at what you do."
"Let me know how I can help."

Advocacy sounds like:

"You should talk to her about this role."
"He's exactly who you need for this project."
"I've worked closely with her. Here's why she's the right fit."

Support is encouraging.

Advocacy creates momentum.

Why Career Advancement Stalls Even When Relationships Are Strong

Careers are no longer built through tenure alone.

Organizations are flatter. Teams are more distributed. Decisions happen faster and across wider networks.

At senior levels, the gap between who gets considered and who gets passed over rarely comes down to qualifications. It often comes down to who has someone in the room who can clearly make the case.

Most professionals don't realize this until they're already on the wrong side of it.

You find out a role was filled before it was posted. You learn a colleague was recommended for a project you would have been perfect for. You make it to the final conversation and sense the decision had already been made before you arrived. Not because you weren't qualified. Because someone else had a champion in the room and you didn't.

That's not a performance problem.

It's a positioning and visibility problem - and it's one most high performers aren't aware they have until the cost becomes impossible to ignore.

Making your impact legible to the people who could help move it forward isn't optional anymore.

It's how careers advance.

Why Advocacy Breaks Down

People can't advocate for what they can't articulate.

And they can't articulate what they don't know or understand.

When you're not clear about what you're moving toward, people naturally fill in the gaps with what they already know about you.

We connect people to existing narratives, not emerging ones.

Most people know you for the value you've already delivered, not the value you're preparing to create next.

That's especially true when your next chapter is still taking shape.

Your network can't help you build a future it can't yet see.

The Thing Nobody Says

Here's what makes this harder.

Most professionals avoid the clarity work.

Not because they're lazy.

Because staying vague feels strategically sensible.

If you haven't committed to a direction, you can't be wrong about it. You preserve the feeling of options without the vulnerability of a choice. You can stay curious, exploratory, open - which all sound like virtues - without ever having to hold a position someone could challenge or a goal that might not materialize.

For high achievers especially, vagueness can feel like wisdom.

It isn't.

It's protection. And at senior levels, it's expensive protection.

Because here's what happens in the meantime.

While you're staying open, the people around you are filling in the gaps with what they already know. They're not waiting for your clarity. They're working from the last clear signal you gave them - which may be months or years old. They're connecting you to what you've done, not what you're building toward.

And you're not correcting them. Because you haven't decided yet.

Vagueness feels like optionality. In practice, it functions like invisibility.

The cost isn't dramatic. It doesn't announce itself.

It shows up as conversations that feel slightly off. Opportunities that almost fit but don't. Introductions that are well-intentioned but send you sideways. A network that's active but not quite moving you forward.

And because nothing is obviously wrong, it's easy to conclude the problem is the market, the timing, the competition.

Rarely do professionals think: the problem is that no one knows where I'm trying to go.

Invisibility makes advocacy almost impossible.

And the longer the vagueness continues, the harder it becomes to ask anyone to champion something you haven't yet claimed for yourself.

If this idea feels familiar, you may also appreciate "Why Too Many Career Options Keep You Stuck (And How to Fix It)."

When you're pursuing multiple directions at once, it becomes significantly harder for others to understand what you're moving toward - and even harder for them to advocate for you.

The Hidden Cost of Unclear Direction

When your goals, strengths, and value aren't clearly understood:

people don't know how to help
they don't know what opportunities to connect you to
they don't know what to listen for on your behalf

As a result:

conversations feel less useful
opportunities point backward instead of forward
your network reinforces your past instead of supporting your future

Over time, the gap between what you're capable of and what you're considered for gets wider.

Before You Ask for Help, Create More Clarity

Many professionals expect networking conversations to create clarity.

Sometimes they do.

More often, they amplify whatever clarity already exists.

You don't need perfect answers.

Clarity isn't something you discover all at once. It's something you build through reflection, experimentation, and intentional decisions about what matters most next.

You don't need to know exactly who you're becoming. But you do need enough direction that others can recognize opportunities aligned with where you're headed and know what to listen for on your behalf.

Start by asking yourself:

What parts of my experience do I want to be known for moving forward?
What problems do I most want to solve?
What do I want more of in my next chapter?
What am I moving toward, even if it isn't fully defined yet?
What do I want people to listen for on my behalf?

This is the same principle explored in "Why Knowing What to Do Isn't the Problem."

What Makes Someone Easy to Champion

People who are easy to advocate for are:

clear about the problems they solve
consistent in how they describe their value
specific about what they're moving toward
visible beyond their immediate team

Their network knows:

what they stand for
what they do exceptionally well
what opportunities align with their strengths and aspirations

Back to That Conversation

Think about your former colleague again.

The one who steered the conversation somewhere you didn't want to go.

They weren't wrong to try. They were working with what they had.

The question worth asking isn't why they took the conversation in that direction.

It's what would you need to have said - clearly, specifically, confidently - to redirect it toward where you're actually headed.

What problems do I most want to solve next?
What do I want this person to listen for on my behalf?
What would I need them to understand about where I'm going for this conversation to be genuinely useful?

If those answers aren't ready, the conversation will keep going sideways.

Not because your network is failing you.

Because your direction hasn't yet caught up with your ambition.

Questions Worth Sitting With

Who could clearly describe the value you create today?
Who understands where you're trying to go next?
Who would mention your name if an opportunity aligned with your goals emerged tomorrow?
What language have you given others to advocate for you?
Where might people still be relying on an outdated version of your story?

Clarity Is the Work Only You Can Do First

Imagine that conversation with your former colleague again.

But this time, you arrive differently.

You know what you're moving toward - not perfectly, not completely, but enough. You can describe the problems you want to solve. You know what you're looking for and what you're not. You have language for your value that doesn't just reflect where you've been but points toward where you're going.

The conversation goes somewhere different.

Not because your colleague changed.

Because you gave them something to work with.

That's what clarity does.

It doesn't just help you feel more confident in a room. It makes you easier to remember, easier to refer, easier to champion - in every room you're not in.

Your network can only carry what's been made clear.

And career growth doesn't happen only through the opportunities you pursue - it happens through the opportunities other people can recognize for you.

Give them what they need to do that.